Life can be painful.

So much so that we wonder what the point of being on Earth is if we have to feel this pain all the time. Our pain dictates how we live so much of our life. We live to avoid feeling pain. And hence we live safe and comfortable lives, yet wonder why we feel so empty and unfulfilled.

And I totally understand that kind of thinking.

However, It’s not the pain of emotions that is the problem, but your inability to navigate and transform your experience that is the problem.

You just can’t walk through life living not to get hurt. Even if you try this approach you will still get hurt.

In my work in the mental health sector working with people suffering from severe depression and schizophrenia I worked with many people who had gone through massive trauma in their lives. Massive. Horrific. Life damaging trauma. They needed a lot of care and help. Like we all do. But these people really need it.

But whether it is horrific trauma that you’ve experienced or just the pain of loss of a loved one, it all feels the same experientially. We want it to stop. To go away. To stop having to feel it.

I was recently assisting with the Huni Kuin shamans in ceremonies recently and one young woman had some intense emotional and physical pain in her belly and she just wanted me to get rid of it. Like I could give her a pill and and make her better.

Unfortunately emotional healing doesn’t work like that. Not with real emotional trauma. To do real healing you have to feel it. However it is possible to make the healing process quicker and become a profound experience.

And the truth with healing our pain is that what we heal in ourselves enables us to be the healer for others with the same pains.

We become empowered through our pain.

Our pain becomes a gift. Whether it is from this life or past lives.

One of the biggest issues around our healing is the story that goes along with how it was created in the first place. And the story becomes a self fulfilling belief system. If we hadn’t had this happen to us we would be powerful. Or I can’t be who I want to be because of what happened to me when I was a child.

We desperately want to understand the reasons of why it happened to us too – why it caused our pain.

And finally, we don’t accept that we feel the way we do and why it happened. We just don’t want to deal with it. The story is too painful to face.

A lot of the time we tend not to face up the part we played in creating our emotional drama. That’s the hardest part. Admitting that sometimes we make mistakes which adds up to just blaming others for our pain. Which may be the case. It was caused by other peoples actions and behaviour. And if we can fix them then maybe they won’t do it again. Of course at the same time we resent people who try to make us change and behave a certain way. So we are full of contradictions. Living our lives so not to offend others, expecting others to live the way we do and make the same choices that we make so no one gets hurt.

So much drama! It’s fascinating! And if this works for you and makes sense then keep doing it.

There’s a much easier way.

But let me just point out a few things first.

Understanding why you or others behave the way they we doesn’t change your experience.

Holding others responsible for your experience doesn’t change your experience.

Changing others peoples behaviour for the better doesn’t change your experience.

And when I say experience here I mean emotional pain.

It’s still there.

I’m not saying that doing those things is a waste of time. It’s good to help change improper behaviours for example, but if you’re doing it to heal your pain then in that case it is a waste of time.

Maybe the pain goes away for a time, but underneath it’s still there waiting for the next drama to trigger it.

So what to do?

Start with this. Drop the story. Drop the drama. Drop the why.

When you do this all that is left is what you’re feeling. The pain. Of course you don’t want to feel it. You’re not a masochist that likes to feel pain!

This is where you can get into approval of your experience. This is where it’s powerful. This is when you need to do it the most. It’s your experience. It’s just an emotion. When you’re in self-approval of your experience you can connect with it and it starts to change.

Specifically, you want to find that stillness in your awareness, as you can find through the third eye meditation that I teach and from that place of awareness let the stillness touch your pain.

Notice how it changes. Then what emerges.

There will be an emotional pancake. One emotion on top of another. You start with the one on top, and work your way down through each emotion, until you hit the bottom.

When you get to that place again get into approval of it, and let stillness touch it, soothe it.

Stillness is what does the work of healing. All you have to do is bring your awareness to where the pain is.

Take your time with it.

The amazing thing through this process is that as you unlock and heal each level of pain, you actually get a lot of insight into your emotional landscape, behaviours, and relationships.

You understand the why.

This is the process of navigation into your experience. It’s also the transformation, but to complete the healing once you are at the bottom, you want to ask yourself what it is you want to feel, what is you want to experience, because this emotional pain has been stopping that experience for a long, long time.

Start the authentic desire mapping process from there.

This is where you feel like you again. This is the part of you that’s been missing from your life because of not wanting to feel emotional pain.

Getting in touch with your authentic desire underneath your pain is how you feel empowered again.

And this is the problem with a lot of healing practices. They heal you. And then you don’t know what to feel any more. You just feel good. But you don’t necessarily have direction.

Our authentic desire completes our transformation.

And then when we navigate and transform our lives and our feelings at will, then connect to what we want to feel our lives become liberated.


If you’re new to my work then you need to understand that the three core principles to create claity, approval and excitement in your life are: awareness, self approval and authentic desire. To get into this you need a practice, you need techniques. This is what I teach. Check out my courses to see what suits, or if you would like to explore a free online coaching session I’ll be happy to take you through the process (schedule permitting). You can reach me always at