These last few weeks I’ve written about how fear, anger, anxiety and pain stops us from having the experience we want in our life.
Ultimately all of these things play into the same result. Separation. This is our ultimate fear and pain – actual physical pain aside. And it’s the exact opposite of what we ultimately want to feel in our life – connection. To feel whole and complete.
There’s nothing like this feeling. That life is giving you the best in this moment. That you can share that with people who care about you, in a place that feels like home, and that you’re somehow fulfilling the purpose of your life. You feel blessed to have such an incredible life.
That’s connection in full flow.
Separation feels like this: You don’t want to be you. You don’t want to be here. You don’t have people who care about you the way you want to be cared about. You feel caged or trapped where you live, grinding away at work and you are struggling to just exist, never mind doing what you should be doing with your life.
It can also feel like everything you do in your life is dictated by others. Your family, your work, your debts, mortgage, rent and bills, the travel to and from work, all these things dictate what you can do with your life and where you have to be.
Where are you in all of this? What’s the point of it all? And who the fuck are you anyway?
You’re on your own and life feels empty and meaningless.
Now you probably don’t feel completely like what I’ve described above. You’ll probably feel a bit of both at the same time. A little bit in the middle. Sometime more connection. Sometimes more separation.
I used to feel that way in my life too. Sometimes connected sometimes not. Always going along with the flow and everything that everyone else was doing.
It would perplex me how the sense of connection or separation would change as if in a moment. Sometimes all it would take is a thought about some negative outcome that might happen in the future and it would upset me and get me angry. All my verve for life would just disappear.
I wouldn’t know what do to change it other than retreat from life until I got it back somehow. Meditation alone wouldn’t always be the solution. Healing myself wouldn’t always be the solution. It would help, but it wouldn’t always bring the change I wanted. I might stop feeling like crap, I might feel great even, but I wouldn’t be closer to where I wanted to be feeling until it just came along suddenly.
That’s because I wasn’t living from what I wanted to feel in my experience. Instead I was guided by others, by circumstances. And for a long time that felt fine. I seemed to be happy anyway. Until I actually started connecting to what I wanted to feel in my life, and started living in approval, and then my life turned upside down.
This is when I realized I had been living my life in a way so I wouldn’t feel separation.
I had been playing it safe.
So I quit my job as a life coach in the mental health sector, I separated from an amazing wife and partner, I quit my film career, friends started falling away.
This was hugely painful at times. It was a process of massive separation. However, I was so connected to what I wanted to feel that the process felt liberating.
Huge things started to come my way. I went to the Amazon and spent a month with a incredible tribe there. I went to India and met people who are now my best friends, I met a woman who would become my parter and I did a yoga teacher training there too. My anxiety around money disappeared. In London I became part of some amazing communities, I lived in amazing places, and the thing I always did on the side which I enjoyed immensely became my career. And now I split my time between Goa and London. It just gets better and better.
My life is full of connection.
The trick to maintain this has always been to be in approval of what I wanted to feel, and letting that guide the things I do, the people I spend time with, and the actions I take, but also and crucially it was about this:
Approval of the separation that occurred as a result from following what I wanted to feel in my life.
And this is what I learned when I did that.
When you are in approval of any separation in your life, you become liberated and free to take any action or path.
Life just becomes possibilities. Sometimes it’s joyful sometimes is painful, but it is always connected.
So this week I want you to reflect on how you avoid separation in your life. Get into approval of it.
Then ask yourself what do you really want to feel in this area? Get into approval of it.
It doesn’t mean you have to take action on it. And if you do, take an action that feels comfortable, until the timing feels right to make the big change if that’s a necessary step you need to take.
Always let what you want to feel guide you. And stay in approval of the anxiety, fear, pain and anger that comes up. It’s a sign you’re on the right path.
If you’re new to my work and interested to know more about the three core priciples I teach to create clarity, approval and excitement in your life check sign up below. Untimately you need a practice. You need techniques. This is what I teach. If you would like to explore a free online coaching session I’ll be happy to take you through the process (schedule permitting). You can reach me always at email@example.com